the stank negro please look. i promise i didnt make that face...

Gather round children..it’s story time.

Met a fella recently. We exchanged neutral pleasantries and BlackBerry Pins1. We eventually exchanged numbers. We decided to meet up, so made plans for Thursday at around 6pm. I suggested drinks, so that no one needed to feel invested in a meal, but it would still be early enough should we change our minds2.

Dude called me around 9:30pm to apologize for work running over-schedule and asked if I still wanted to meet. I opted for no as 3.5 hours of waiting is BEYOND my threshold3. We re-scheduled for Friday.

Friday we reconfirmed that we are indeed meeting around 630ish. The night before, I mentioned that I would be downtown for work and am currently residing downtown.  I call him when I finish work, ask where he’d like to meet and re-iterate my current location. I suggested a major hub of the city, where there are plenty of options (food, drinks, coffee, movies, dessert and people watching). He was concerned about parking, so I suggested someplace else, close to the highway and with parking right beside the suggested venue. Still a no.

So he asked me to make other suggestions4. I really couldn’t come up with anything, since it was Friday after a long week and I was pretty tired. He asks if I can travel to west-end5 to meet up a mall that also has about 4 restaurants in it. I’m not happy about it, but I said sure. I tell him it will be about 40 mins via train.

I get there and he’s just parking. We eventually meet, greet and hug hello. He asks what I’d like to do, and I say im starving, I’d like to go eat. He mentions he’s already eaten, but will just watch me eat.

Now, I’ll have to take responsibility here as our original plan was just to do something simple and go from there, BUT am annoyed as I had a great dinner waiting in the fridge that I could’ve eaten.  I made assumptions that since he knew I’m coming straight from work – that I wouldn’t have time to stop and eat. I also made the assumption that we’d figure out what we really wanted to do…together. Alas. Those will be the last assumptions ever made on my part.

this is an accurate depiction. except the outdoors part

We walk to restaurant #1, where the lineup is ridiculous. We walk to restaurant #2 where the wait is 40 minutes. Now, anyone would have been able to figure out that a Friday night, at one of the major mall/date destinations (it also has a movie theatre), on a chilly evening – it would be busy. But I figure since he suggested this destination, that he would have had a clue. Clearly not.

So we decide to leave the mall. He asks where I’d like to eat and I tell him, that since I am not familiar with the area that well, maybe he’d like to give me ideas on what is close by so that I can figure it out. He goes on his phone to find some places…and nothing pops up. I know that a local chicken place is around the corner, and at this point, my hunger and annoyance are starting to marry into one emotion – so I suggest there.

We get in the car and he takes a work call. We get to the joint, order food6 and he takes another work call. He’s a self-employed business owner. I am understanding..to a point. When we sit down, and try to have a ‘normal’ rest-of first date, he takes and makes at least 2-3 more calls.

That’s when I tweeted:

I’m tweeting. That means that this dude has taken and made more than ONE phone call while eating. #fail

He asked me if I was mad and I said no. which was the truth, I didn’t care enough to build and develop any emotions. But I went to honour my commitments and my word.  I told him I was annoyed, as that’s not really good date etiquette. Do you want to know what this negro said?

‘Well sorry, I’m not a planner’.7

Picture steam coming out of my ears cartoon-style. Like this

add greasy chicken fingers..and some colour...

We continued to make small talk, asking typical questions (what are you looking for, what’s the dating scene like for you etc..) and then I decided to call it a night.  I said, he can just drop me off at the train station. Which he did.

While saying my terse but friendly goodbyes, he asked when he’d get to see me next.  I did my best not to give him the NEGRO YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING look, said good night, hopped out of the car to make my trek back to my current residence8.

My twitter mentions to my while-still-on-date tweet were hilarious:

  • Say. It. Ain’t. So. Taking calls. While eating. Tell me this isn’t a first date.
  • *facepalm like a mug*
  • oh man! This dude is violating…
  • Ewww… So much #fail, so little time…
  • A single tear just ran down my face. I’m weeping for mankind.
  • #DatingBatman (<-this literally made me laugh out loud)
  • Unless he’s a doctor and he’s on call he’s an ass. Sorry love.
  • (a twitter peep who is actually a doctor replied to the above with a very good point): you don’t go on dates or drink when you’re on call. #thatisall

He sent me a message asking if I got home safely (always a nice touch fellas if you didn’t drop her at her location).

The following day, he sent me a message asking if I had fun. I replied with the following:

Hey, just got your message. I’ll be honest, that I didn’t really. I travelled across town to end up at MB’s and had to travel back. I also think its impolite to conduct business on a first date with someone. I think I’m looking for someone who dates a little more often than you do and has a better understanding what it entails. Good luck with your search and your biz.

So the next time someone asks why im single, and that I need to stop pushing the eligible men that want me away… I might just refer to this blog post as just an example of what we need to sift through to get to the good stuff.

Onto the next tub of ice cream one…

(a hint for my readers…he may be closer than you think)

kbe.

**UPDATE**

So as anticipated.. I heard from the dude again. And I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be an apology..

He says:

Wow I didn’t know it was my fault we ended up there lol. U suggested that we go there. I can’t control wait times at restaurants. For two I work for myself and sometimes I have to take calls when times r not good. U should know that u do business urself. Obviously u r not a understanding person because u would have talk to me on the phone not buy text and work it out.  thanks for showing me that. Don’t even bother replying back. Have a nice life

at first.. i was going to let it go. but me being me (bad case of the last word-itis), had to get my final two cents in:

Actually, I find this humorous. You made me come west, with no clue where to go. I obviously don’t live there. MB’s/mall the only thing I knew. You weren’t giving any suggestions. Good luck finding a grown woman that expects more from a grown ass man. I would call if I was interested. I was trying to be honest. Clearly you can’t handle that. Good luck with that.

He responded that he doesn’t have trouble finding women. He seems to have forgotten telling me (when he wasnt conducting business) that he doesn’t go out much because he doesn’t have time and doesn’t even remember the last time he went out on a date. SOOOO…..

Yeah.

I blame women who settle for a man who has a job and car, but no clue on how to actually TREAT a person for men with this wack-ass mentality. If we forced dudes to step their games up..they might just actually have to.

Moving right along…

footnotes:

1 – iphoners always mock bb users for their love of bbm. But when you meet a stranger, you have the option of giving him a way to communicate with you and if you don’t like him, deleting without stalking capabilities or major repercussions. This is a MAJOR selling feature to the bb/bbm for a single gal. and yes..dudes that stalk your phone number exist. Praise the lord for call manager.

2 – im also more than just a pretty face. Im kinda smart too.

3 – this should be beyond ANYONES threshold.

4 – losing counts of strikes in this conversation. It’s Friday, im tired. Im hungry. And thoroughly annoyed that he hadn’t thought about this prior to our conversation since this was technically supposed to take place the day before.

5 – anyone that knows me (and this guy doesn’t), knows that me travelling west is a deep commitment. West end is like foreign territory to me with a different language and foreign exchange (no not this one).

6 – yes. He paid. All $12.00. I guess I am a cheap date.

7 – im a planner by trade and nature.  So that comment offended me on about 3.75 different levels. The 1st being.. what the hell does planning have to do with date etiquette!?!?!!

8 – due to construction in my house, im staying downtown. In an area close to shelters and parks full of transients. Not the greatest area to be walking around by oneself at night. And yes, dude knew this.