prepping for a new year: resolving the resolution thing

exactly.

one of my favorite quotes is: i don’t make resolutions, i make plans.

BAM!

i like that quote for two reasons:

1. im a planner by nature and trade, so it speaks to me on several levels
2. the word resolutions is overplayed, overused and pretty much now defined as a goal that is set at the beginning of the year that will be discarded by february march.

but seeing as though it is that time of year, i have accumulated some interesting tips and notes to get my ‘resolutions’ accomplished.

Scott Berkun of WordPress had some helpful tips on resolutions that i had already planned on applying including:

• Find a friend who can sign up to the same goal. We are social creatures, and our goals should be social.
• Write down the resolution and sign it. Writing has power.

i’ve already found a friend who will have my entire action plan (doesn’t that sound better than resolutions?? think of when Homer changed his name to Max Power!). it won’t be a to-do list, it will be a to-accomplish list. changing how you feel going into a project, i believe dictates how (and if) you finish.

i am a person who needs to be held accountable and needs a deadline. if it’s open-ended, it will keep getting rolled over and then you wake up and it’s 3 years later and you’re still trying to cross it off a list.

part of my new year transition is to take part in Happy Black Woman‘s 31 days to Reset Your Life Challenge. it’s a daily test to changing how you think and live. i did it earlier in 2011 and it was amazing. some of the challenges really stuck with and spoke to me. now that i have an actual blog, i’ll likely be tracking my progress here. the challenges are daily (which can be part of the challenge in of itself), but is worth it! (and you definitely don’t have to be happy, black or a woman to do it!!).

life can be so daunting, with so many facets of it that you are trying to make improvements in. breaking it into different categories, will allow you to tackle things piece by piece. From Happy Black Woman’s Life Assessment:

• Lifestyle (satisfaction with where you live/living environment, how you spend your leisure time these days)
• Work (satisfaction with where you work right now, what you do to earn your living)
• Education (satisfaction with your educational attainment to date – college, vocational school and other learning goals)
• Finances (the current state of your budget/money management, salary, net worth, debt-to-income ratio)
• Health (the current state of your mental, physical and spiritual health – mind, body, soul)
• Family (the quality of your relationships with family members, siblings, children)
• Relationships (the quality of your relationships with friends and romantic partners)

there are other components to your life that you may want to include, it’s your list – so make sure it reflects you and what you want to accomplish for yourself. that may seem self-explanatory, but all too often, we get caught up in trying to set goals that we feel our parents, partners or society says we should. do you want to buy a home or are you working your booty off because “that’s what real grown ups do”? make sure your life assessment is an honest one.

i hope some of these things will help you in creating your own action list (think of yourself as an action hero!!!) for the upcoming new year. there will be obstacles and speed bumps along the way, but nothing worth doing is done alone and very few things are done right on the first try.

i’ve created a new category to house these kinds of blog posts (the action plan), so if you ever want to go back and check em out, you know where to find them! look for a breakdown of some of mine in my first post for 2012.

onwards and upwards for a great year.

what say you? do you make resolutions? do you stick to them? anything you plan on accomplishing in the new year?

kbe.

the year that was: top 10 moments of 2011

as the dust settles on the gift-giving and food-eating holiday, thoughts turn to celebrating and bringing in New Years and creating resolutions.

i’m a very reflective person by nature. i try to check my words, thoughts and actions. if they are hurtful, moving me forward and supporting those that are important to me.

as i’ve mentioned before, my friendships are so important to me as they make my life worth living. all the major moments of my 2011 have been with people who i love and adore.

it’s been a whirlwind of a year for me personally, professionally, spiritually, financially, romantically. (whirlwind might be an understatement). if i tried to recap it all…you and i would be here all day.

so i’m going to TRY to do my top 10 highlights of 2011. (i have a feeling, I’m going to miss a few things…but..blame it on the Goose, my memory and not my heart)

this in NO WAY is in order, because that also would cause all of the salt in the world to be thrown. (and i’m really more of a garlic pepper kind of girl for seasoning my food).

so on that note, let’s go Primetime

in newwww yorrrrrrk....concrete jungle where dreams are maaaade uvvvv....

10: Travelbug. i feel i saw peeps across the border more than i saw some of my friends here! i started the new year with a trip back to New York for fun and volunteering (NOT FOR WORK IN CASE US CUSTOMS IS READING), and went to DC about 4 times. i discovered the joys of Southwest Airlines and the thrifty ways of Megabus. trips i hope to accomplish in 2012: Miami, Philly, Chicago and Cali/BC.

9:Very Smart Brothas. technically i became a reader in 2010, but became a semi-regular in 2011. which lead me to some great people on twitter, who introduced me to google and tinychat. some of these people have become a daily part of my life and a part of my family. all because of two dudes who didn’t even meet face-to-face until this year! they are both humble and hilarious dudes who are doing big things and going places. (im glad i got my book signed by the both of them.)

the original purpose of the DC takeover was to look at the Cherry Blossoms

8: The Takeovers. it started out a simple girls weekend/meetup. it turned into an epic event. it spawned do-overs in DC and the international version for Caribana. the word takeover is very appropriate for these trips. we take over homes, kitchens, bathrooms, living rooms, dance floors, restaurant booths and more. the memories from these trips will last a lifetime and i am so happy that i was able to be a part of them.

7: Get some Culture. it’s always been on my list to attend an opera and a ballet. i was able to attend both. i have immense respect for people who are able to express themselves thought the arts. all of the museums in DC are free, so spent as much time as physically possible taking in some beautiful art while i was there. i attended some concerts (Lauryn Hill, a watered-down Rock the Bells and the uber-amazing Watch the Throne). i am overdue to visit the MOMA and need to go back to the Art Institute in Chicago.

6: E-life meets real life. besides the takeovers, i was able to meet many people via the 1-d world in 3D – blog events (Miss Tea, Fashionably Late, Ohverly Critical, IV Play). the city i live in can be incredibly small, the online community can also be very small – combining the two made my world richer and bigger!

5: Him. no not him downstairs. and not the imaginary him of the twitter world. he’s been a source of many emotions, feelings and lessons. patience and strength. being vulnerable and being steadfast. letting go and letting God dictate the path. i made a promise to limit what i write about him, so this will remain vague. so let’s just say we’ll see what the future holds. love will be a part of my new year with or without him.

im fancy though.

4: Work. how is work a highlight? when you do what i do for a living, it definitely can be. from weddings for 450, to opening and closing night parties for 2000 (TIFF, Luminato), and many charitable events in between, i am continuing to learn and grow in my field and position. every event i do is a learning opportunity. there have been some disappointments, but even those have been stepping stones. by loving what i do,  i was able to secure two clients for my side business, without having cards or a website. i’m excited to find someone to build a website, and host an official launch that for some is a very long time coming.

3:Friendships gone, friendships gained. with growth and time, comes change. some of my friendships have gone from mere acquaintances to more, some close friends have downshifted and other friendships came a close all together. the reason, season, lifetime thing is true. and you can never know who is going to fall into which category. all i can do is hope that my impact on their lives is a positive one.

2: Feeding my soul. my walk with God is slow. like snail pace slow. but it’s not a race, i have the rest of my life to get it right. i have some friends who have done it longer and better than i, and are great role models. it’s funny how it’s the relationship i am the most scared to pursue, but the one i need to work on the most. i am now church surfing in hopes of finding a right home, have friends local and abroad who via monthly meetups, bbm groups and daily emails, help give me the tools i need.

my sister's baking >>>>>

1: Family is where the heart is. my immediate family is the only one i’ve ever really known. and like with every family, there is good, bad and ugly – but they are still family. i am so happy to have found a friend in my big sis, have met cousins and aunties (a Jamaican British accent >>>) and remain absolutely so very proud of and in awe of my mummy.

2011 didn’t turn out the way that i wanted or expected, but life was busy happening as i was trying to make plans. i close it with my health, a sense of accomplishment and ambition and knowing that i am loved. it was full of family, food, and fun. i look forward to a great year of transition, growth and change.

what say you? how was your year? did it turn out the way you wanted or hoped for? any major highlights? sharing is caring!

kbe.

ps: a close number 11 is starting this blog of course! who would have thought that a surprise blog started in September, almost 50 posts and 3,000 views later, that i would be here! i am so grateful and appreciative that you take the time to pass by. it is beyond humbling.  i look forward to continuing the conversation in 2012!

update: how in the HEEZY could i forget being homeless????????? *facepalm. there was a car accident outside my house in september, car flipped and crash landed onto the lawn, in essense mashing up my bathroom. which needed to be gutted to the foundation and rendered me homeless for a month. (not really, i crashed with my sis and my friend). what a jacked up month that was. good grief charlie brown. i was very glad have been at work at the time, and am very grateful for the kindness of strangers people who love me.

 

top 10 favorite parts of Christmas

it’s friday! (hey! and im ready to sing…)

and it also is Christmas Eve-Eve!!!

so in the spirit of giving (and receiving), i thought i’d share with you my top 10 fave parts of about Christmas.

10. the hustle gets put on pause for at least a day. we spend so much time running around, it’s nice to have a day where mostly everything is closed, forcing you to just be calm, still and full of food.

9. shopping. not the actual shopping itself. that can take a long walk off a short pier. but it’s knowing that you found THEE perfect gift for someone. i LOVE giving gifts. because while my memory is starting to slip, my gifts tend to be from an obscure moment or conversation long before December hits. the anticipation of when that person opens it, knowing that it truly is a complete (but welcome) surprise is an awesome moment.

8. wrapping gifts. paper, scissors, bows, ribbons. what’s not to love? i even wrap the Toblerone bars. why? because it’s hilarious.

7. snow. im a Canadian. so that means 1 thing – i expect, request and demand snow on ONE day of the year. Jesus’s birthday. it’s like glitter! there is something about a snowfall, like a fleece blanket muting all the noise that just puts me at peace.

this song will never be over played to me!

6. christmas music. growing up, there was a reggae Christmas record my mom would play without fail. i vow to find it one day, because it’s just not the same without it! Boyz II Men, Nat King Cole, Donny Hathaway, The Temptations, Mariah Carey. Whitney Houston, Wham and this. there is 1 time of year to play it all with childlike abandon!!

5. sports. NBA on in the background as you fight over pie crust and un-button your pants = good. the NFL on with my entire family around = GREAT.

4. children opening gifts. 3 year olds + wrapping paper = joy to the heart.

3. traditions. as we get more techie and social – we get further and further away from social and familial traditions. there are just certain things that will be forever and ever. (but i DO love this video. lets not forget the reason for the season!!!)

2. food. between my mom’s EPIC breakfast and the FEAST at dinner… no holiday is complete without the cooking of my mother.

1. family. what more is there to say? there are some people who have no one and the idea of that makes me incredibly sad. between the apple vs blackberry battle, the NFL slander, and the laughter until it hurts to breathe – i do not take any of these opportunities to come together for granted.

this time of year means different things to different people.

whatever it means to you, may you have joy, peace and happiness wherever you are.

what say you? what’s your most fave parts about Christmas? do you have a least fave part? sharing is caring!!

kbe.

ps: special mention to Rudolph, Frosty and The Sound of Music.

Related articles

• Christmas around the world (slideshare.net)

the diary: the boomerang effect and the return of the mack

what goes around, come back around right? boo.

stop me when this starts to sound familiar.

you meet. you talk. you date. you smang. you end. you (eventually and hopefully) move on.

insert several weeks,  months or years later when via any method of communication you get the:

“hey, what’s up.”

(this may or may not be accompanied by the i’ve missed you)

the reasons why this happens has been well documented on various blogs. but it still doesn’t alleviate the sense of dismay, annoyance and general what thee eff?

now, in a perfect world – these boomerang moments would be met with blank stares, deafening silence (oxymoron much) and a prompt delete.

however, depending on the level of emotional and physical involvement of said person, it’s not so black and white (and we all should know nothing in relationships ever is).

do this. then respond with a 'sup.

i’ve been guilty of responding to these B.M.’s for several reasons.

curiosity. is he hitting me up to tell me to get tested for an S.T.I? that he’s gotten engaged? a tragedy has struck his family? that he loooooooves me and can’t live without me? what’s going on? and why does he still have my number?

test of wills. i want to think that i’ve gotten over the person, so i may respond to prove to myself that i have and falsely believe it shows the other person that i’m the bigger person who can still be friends. even though i don’t really believe that you can be friends with your exes, but that’s a whole nother blog post. it’s no different from keeping them on your social medias. you don’t want the person to think that you had to drop them, that you are tougher and stronger than that. even though you mute them so that you don’t see their tweets and drudge up bad feelings.

memories. they don’t live like people do. and depending on how things ended, you aren’t sure if the story was supposed to end when and where it did. maybe it was just a pause for the cause. i met a dude in 2001 and re-connected (innocently, i promise) four years later. we almost ended up married. that too is a whole nother post that i’ll probably never write.

hormones. need i say more? yes? well.. we all have that one person that knows you oh-so-well. that kind of chemistry is hard to duplicate with another person. you want to see if you can catch lightning in a bottle twice or multiple times if you’re lucky.

two can play that game. sometimes you know that it’s just part of a game for the dude. that he’s home, watching football and is scrolling through his phone. he hits you up and knows that it sent you into a tailspin. he knows you’re hitting up your girls for advice on how to answer it, if you should answer it and when. and after about 30 minutes of analysis…you reply with a cool ‘hey’. how is this different from test of wills? this one is you pretending not to care, even though you really do. test of wills? ain’t no half-stepping – it’s clear the wounds are still fresh.

church. (wait..read me out!). when i attend church, there is usually one part of the sermon that seems to speak directly to me. and if you are on any sort of walk with God, you receive a message of having faith and try to believe that what you want, God wants for you. that He wouldn’t give you anything that you can’t handle. so you start thinking about the good, the bad and the ugly. and that maybe there is a reason he’s decided to resurface. and that there is a reason why you haven’t been able to let go. that it’s not your job to end something that HE himself is trying to hold together.  you mustn’t ignore signs from God right? RIGHT?!?!! no? just me? ok.

love. love as we know is not a Disney movie. it isn’t a James Cameron movie. it most CERTAINLY IS NOT a Tyler Perry movie. real love (no Mary), has obstacles, detours and speed bumps. you may have made a decision with your mind to walk away, but your Eeyore-turtoise-snail pace-pregnant pause of a heart is taking its own sweet time catching up.  you respond because Sade said it best: love is stronger than pride.

think before you speak/type. like this lady here.

the text message i got today, i chalk it up to that time of year where you miss a person that was a big part of your life, wish you had them around for the holidays and that im just that unforgettable. there is no malicious intent to confuse behind it. i responded because i was curious and because im just a nice gal like that. when you almost move to another country and plan a wedding – love for that person never really goes away. it changes forms, but it will always be there.

whatever your reasons for replying (or not),  my only advice is to keep it real with yourself. there are no right or wrong moves since the only person’s action and reaction you can control are yours.

what say you? have i forgotten any reasons as to why you would respond to the boomerang? fellas are you guilty of the boomerang? ladies – have you fallen into the trap? any advice on how to avoid it?

kbe.

ps: sorry about all the strike-throughs. it’s my fave feature of being a blogger. LOL.

music moves me: watch the throne (concert recap)

hov. ye. nuff said.

i’m not a huge concert person, but when i heard about watch the throne – i knew i was going to go.

there was going to be no way i was going to miss out on seeing Jay-Z and Kanye live. together.

when the pre-sale was announced, i immediately jumped on getting my ticket. i didn’t even wait to ask which one of my friends was ready to drop their money. i didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to get the tickets i wanted (this was of course, before they decided to drop another date the day after).

i’d never done something like a concert by myself, which freaked me out slightly, but i figured i’d be surrounded by enough fellas people to get hype with – it wouldn’t really matter.

i got to the venue, and after my 1st tweet, my phone dead! *kanye voice*

the neph was sitting in 2nd row, so i asked the security if i could go and give him a message. i had to ask about 4 others along the way. plus security knew there was still tons of time left (doors opened at 730pm, they went on after 9pm). chilled. took pics and then called my friend from his phone who was also sitting on the floor. (moral of the story: ask nicely and you shall receive)

we chatted, chilled hung out. then the posse decided to adopt me and keep my smuggled self on the floor with them. the entire row behind them was empty (and never got full even by the time it officially started).

the VIP ($700/seat) area was behind us and a large platform area was right beside us. At one point, we look over and we see Idris Elba. IDRIS. MUHFUGGEN ELBA. in my city. in my arena. WHAT IN THE WORLD?? I’m within sprinting distance of Stringer Bell?? *colour me shocked. *colour you salty.

crime pays. sometimes.

at one point, the security blocked off the walkway to our left, so we figured they might be coming down the that path. We did NOT expect JAYZ to be RIGHT THERE and then perform on that platform RIGHT BESIDE US. I think I just about fell over. like why am here? why am i staring this man RIGHT IN HIS FACE?????? pure madness.

so close i could smell him. smells of success

i threw my diamond up and bounced and divorced my vocal chords for the night.

there were times when security was checking tickets and i got freaked out, but i ended up in the middle of the row, so they never came that far. but each time…there were heart palpitations!! (second moral of the story: crime isn’t worth the potential embarrassment of being busted)

no zoom required

in the middle of the concert – they swapped and now yeezy was in front of me. what. the.. i just couldn’t. i just kept thinking that while my original purchased seat was awesome… this experience has just multiplied a milli fold AND i wouldn’t have been able to just leave another person alone, so riding solo has it’s merits!!!

in the middle of the concert, my friend is like..yo.. wu-tang is in the house. i look over and talking with Idris MF Elba is Raekwon. I’m seriously thinking about my life and how randomly amazing it can turn out to be. I threw up my Wu-dubya which he saw, pointed out and acknowledged. I also caught him peeking in our general area a couple of times. LOL.

oh. hey Raekwon.

at the end of the night, i see Chef coming down, so my friend asks if she can get a pic, which i took with her iphone (btw iphone cam >>>>>>>>>> bb cam). then we see Idris who we pretty much chase down. he was very nice and accommodating, thanked us after we thanked him. and that was the end.

how mad was i that i couldn’t tweet for sh*t????????? lol.

so overall.. it was an amazing experience as a whole. one of the highlights of my year by far.

*goes bananas (i wish i could upload the video)

what say you? did any you attend the WTT concert? did it meet your expectations or disappoint?

kbe.

 

Related articles

• WATCH: Jay-Z & Kanye Play One Song At Their Concert Ten Times In A Row (huffingtonpost.com)
• Watch The Throne Tour Backstage (EP. 1 & 2) (thegallant.com)

music moves me: the friendship playlist

as you can tell, the theme of the week on fourpageletter was friendship.

while writing what about your friends part 1 and 2, certain songs popped into my head.

so it’s only right, that we end off the friendship-themed week with a music moves me post!

part 1 spoke about those who call themselves friends, but when times (or money) get down, they are nowhere to be found.

based on the titles of the posts, you know where i’m going.

TLC’s What About Your Friends

Every now and then I get a little crazy
That’s not the way it’s supposed to be
Sometimes my vision is a little hazy
I can’t tell who I should trust or just who I let trust me

What about your friends
Will they stand their ground
Will they let you down again
What about your friends are they gonna be low down
Will they ever be around or will they turn their backs on you

Every now and then I get a little easy
I let a lot of people depend on me
I never though they would ever deceive me
Don’t you know when times got rough I was standing on my own
I’ll never let another get that close to me

I wouldn’t change not for no money
I’ll be a friend as long as you’re a friend to me

(i really want to anonymously drop this song and printed lyrics in this lady’s mailbox…)

part 2 channelled one of the shortest and best songs about friendships ever.

the original Sex & the City/Girlfriends – the theme to The Golden Girls!

i dedicate that song to my roots and foundation friends: tuls, tia, sha and mel.

 

look what happens when you google stuff!  Thank You for being a Friend

special mention to The O’Jays – Backstabbers because it’s a bod tune!

what say you? any songs that should be added to this friendship playlist?

kbe.

what about your friends (part 2): sisterhood of travelling pants

my girl friends...there though thick and thin... (and still no pants)

friend.

what does that word even mean? you can ‘friend’ people on social networks like Facebook and LinkedIn. but we all know not everyone in your ‘friend’ list are people you are friendly with.

Webster’s defines is as:

 one attached to another by affection or esteem, one that is not hostile, a favored companion

it’s been often quoted that people come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime. i believe this to be true. on a spiritual level, i don’t ask why (very often) a person is in my life (or is leaving it), because every person has been placed on my path for a reason and it’s not place to question Him as to why. hopefully i’ll understand the why with time.

this doesn’t make the severing of a friendship any easier. in the past couple of years, i was faced with some challenges in the friendship department.  i had a situation come up that forced me to choose between keeping secrets and being honest. keeping confidences is important to me. it’s not just about the trust factor, but i would never want to be perceived as that person who talks too much or snitches personal business. it was a very difficult position to be placed in, and i had to make a choice. i chose to hurt my friend with the truth, as opposed to hurting her and myself by keeping secrets. while i lost someone in the process, i gained a lot more than i lost. one season ended, and one lifetime began.

and then, there are the friendships that just make no sense on the outside. but feel so right on the inside.

one of my best friends was a mutual acquaintance of a person i knew. our first, let’s hang out and get to know each other, lead to a 3-day/night slumber sleepover of talking. we were pretty much inseparable from that day on. our friendship has seen some life changes and some challenges – but our friendship is a constant that remains to this day.

a few months ago, i was on a bus, travelling though the vast and scenic US (if you like trees, mountains and more trees), with a woman who says things like: “our friendaversary is coming up”. i stayed a woman who opened her heart and home (fridge, pantry and washing machine) to me. i took planes, trains and other methods of transportation to surprise a young lady for her birthday. i willingly giving the shoes off my feet and shed tears at goodbyes…and only after a year of meeting (some not even).

the ages go from 25-36. the educations include bachelors, masters and phdeez. from Cali to NJ. from Miami to Toronto. east coast, west coast and midwest states in between. the common bond? – a bunch of dudes who can put words on a screen. (S/O to VSB and SBM).

but the memories, tears and laughter (and funds) shared, weddings planned, the takeovers, the photo albums, the videos (THE VIDEOS!) – are worth the sleepless + tinychat nights, the hectic days of balancing work vs the group gchat (and ensuing attention deficit disorder) and the long days of travel.

some call us a clique. some call us a sorority. a secret group of fun-times to be infiltrated. we’re none of those things. just a bunch of girls who slowly, with time, patience and lots of communication became a group of friends. it feels like we’ve all known each other and been friends forever. they are now all embedded in the fabric of my life.

*pause for that hallmark moment*

a friendship is a plant that needs both sun and water to grow. sun is communication and water is time. some plants can go without some for longer, but at some point – the less you give of both, the likely result is its death.

(death is a little dramatic, but you get the analogy i am trying to make right?)

as you grow, you change. so there will be people you shed (or shed you) along the way. it’s not a coincidence, that the people i am friends with now as i move forward in trying to be a business woman, and a woman of faith – are people whose values reflect those i hold dear.

so to my friends of the past, present and future: i thank you for being a friend.

what say you? do you ever wonder how/why you are still friends with the people you have? do you have any friendship regrets? do you (or others) question the validity of your e-friendships?

kbe.

what about your friends (part 1): mo money, mo problems

watch out...she's might be coming for the pants you can't find

most people want to be rich. for financially free to do whatever they want (and need) in life.

but a recent situation has made me realize, that biggie puff & mase were right about mo money, mo problems.

i couldn’t imagine a situation in which if i, as a wife, have been wronged on several levels, that not only would my friends choose money over friendship, but my own kids as well.

understand that the financial situation i am referring to is not miniscule. im talking empire type of wealthy.

this woman, made a tough decision to walk away from the life that comes with being married to a billionaire for the sake of her own dignity and peace of mind. and yet she is publicly and secretly being ridiculed, gossiped-about, admonished by friends and foe alike.  like a celebrity, all her moves are being scrutinized.

but she isn’t a celebrity. she’s just a regular person.

all the while, her social circle has gotten smaller and the number of people she can trust to have in her home is shrinking ever so rapidly.

i can only imagine what kind of existence that must be.

if you know me personally, i am one who is so grateful for all of my friendships.

i have said many times before, that my friends have helped me to become who i am, by encouraging me and holding onto my faith when i seemed to have mis-placed it.

one of my fave quotes is:

“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I’ve ever known. -Chuck Palahniuk

all the friends i had that were boy-crazed, (rightly or wrongly) have made me a chick that never wants to obsess over a dude. all the men that penalized me for expressing myself, have made me a chick who waits to speak rationally instead of emotionally. all of my friends who pick me up and brush me off when i fall, have made me a stronger person who is able to pick myself up when i fall.

my friends are who i can run to for advice, share my dreams and goals with, cry with, laugh like hyenas with, boogie on the dance floor with. if you are a person i consider a friend, you know you  have my utmost trust and respect. and i know it’s reciprocated.

i couldn’t imagine a life of no silly g-chat convos that keep me from stressing out too much about my day, random voice notes that make me misty eyed, the field trips and 11hr bus rides though the state of NY and PA (for real why is PA so blasted big though???)

memories are what make life worth living and is about constantly making new ones with the people you love.

and there is no amount of money in the world, that would make me give that up, or peace of mind, heart and spirit.

what say you? would you give up the friends you have for a life of wealth? have you had to deal with such a crushing betrayal?

kbe.

blog rollcall: what you love to read or write

the holidays are inching closer and closer.

which means that my life is going to get more and more hectic and cray before the calm.

a calm that will allow me to rest, sit back and read posts kept unread in the google reader and discover new ones!

there are many blogs out there and i’d like to know about em!

what blogs must you read on your morning commute?

will you stay up until past midnight for so you can be first in the comments?

will you sacrifice being employed for?

educate and titillate you?

keep you entertained and coming back for more?

and the biggest question of them all – why? what is it about those blogs over the many others?

if you write one, what made you start it and what motivates you to keep writing?

for blogs that i enjoy reading, check out my intro post here. or the blogroll (which needs to be updated) on the right.

kbe.

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are blogs ruining my life?

read no evil...

blogs are making me crazy.

yes. this is an ironic statement considering you are reading this on a blog that i created.

a lot of the blogs i read focus on love, sex and relationships. and since i’m into the fellas and as a still-no-official-ruling-on-the-field chick, you would think gaining an insight as to their thought process would be helpful to navigating the dating game.

sadly nothing could be further from the truth.

when i read a blog post, that seems to be speaking my entire existence – it makes me second guess what kind of moves im making. if im an idiot for trusting someone at their word and not scrutinizing their actions more. if im being played for a chump. if im taking this whole “God doesn’t bring people into your life unless he wants you to learn something from them” idea the wrong way.

while this recent clutch mag online post, isn’t the first (the 1st was by black girls are easy…and i sent it to the dude. needless to say..that didn’t go off so well) – there  is nothing worse than reading something, nodding your head as you read point by point and feeling dejected at the end of it.

on one hand, i am a realist. i don’t read too much into things. i try to take things at face value. and try to keep my expectations under wraps.

on the other, i am a romantic. im that girl that keeps mementos from dates, saves text messages to swoon over later and relishes in the moments that make everything worth it.

*enter swoonami stage left

can i just be called a real romantic? or a romantic realist? no? ok then…

and then of course, when you come across another post, that seems connected…you wonder.. if there a theme here that i should be paying attention to? is it all just a coincidence?

the J.A.H. files post made a lot of sense to the i-considered-law-school chick in me. if one could take feelings and emotions out of it and the evidence proves to a certain verdict, you have an answer in more cases than not.

since removing feelings from a relationship is pretty close to impossible, there is always that reasonable doubt.

a few blogs and authors i had to stop reading and following on a regular basis because i was taking their words to heart and too seriously. people who wrote their opinion as fact, and their stereotypes as absolutes were frustrating  to say the least (but that’s a whole different post).

true, the easiest thing to do – would be not to read them. or continue to monitor what im reading and the positive and negative effects it’s having on me and my relationship.

but part of it is wanting to be part of the social collective, another part is supporting your friends in their endeavours (many people i know use their blogs as a pre-cursor to other written pursuits).

i do believe there is value in having these conversations. when you learn that on a general basis, men believe in a concept like exclusively dating, it makes you adjust your outlook on things a little bit.

in the end, like with everything – it’s about balance.

only i can know the dynamics of me and the other. and as long as i keep the outside influences in check, then we can keep the crazy down to a minimum.

just a little bit though. we all know that fellas dig a little bit of crazy.

what say you blog readers and writers? are we doing more harm than good?

kbe.