my girl friends...there though thick and thin... (and still no pants)

friend.

what does that word even mean? you can ‘friend’ people on social networks like Facebook and LinkedIn. but we all know not everyone in your ‘friend’ list are people you are friendly with.

Webster’s defines is as:

 one attached to another by affection or esteem, one that is not hostile, a favored companion

it’s been often quoted that people come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime. i believe this to be true. on a spiritual level, i don’t ask why (very often) a person is in my life (or is leaving it), because every person has been placed on my path for a reason and it’s not place to question Him as to why. hopefully i’ll understand the why with time.

this doesn’t make the severing of a friendship any easier. in the past couple of years, i was faced with some challenges in the friendship department.  i had a situation come up that forced me to choose between keeping secrets and being honest. keeping confidences is important to me. it’s not just about the trust factor, but i would never want to be perceived as that person who talks too much or snitches personal business. it was a very difficult position to be placed in, and i had to make a choice. i chose to hurt my friend with the truth, as opposed to hurting her and myself by keeping secrets. while i lost someone in the process, i gained a lot more than i lost. one season ended, and one lifetime began.

and then, there are the friendships that just make no sense on the outside. but feel so right on the inside.

one of my best friends was a mutual acquaintance of a person i knew. our first, let’s hang out and get to know each other, lead to a 3-day/night slumber sleepover of talking. we were pretty much inseparable from that day on. our friendship has seen some life changes and some challenges – but our friendship is a constant that remains to this day.

a few months ago, i was on a bus, travelling though the vast and scenic US (if you like trees, mountains and more trees), with a woman who says things like: “our friendaversary is coming up”. i stayed a woman who opened her heart and home (fridge, pantry and washing machine) to me. i took planes, trains and other methods of transportation to surprise a young lady for her birthday. i willingly giving the shoes off my feet and shed tears at goodbyes…and only after a year of meeting (some not even).

the ages go from 25-36. the educations include bachelors, masters and phdeez. from Cali to NJ. from Miami to Toronto. east coast, west coast and midwest states in between. the common bond? – a bunch of dudes who can put words on a screen. (S/O to VSB and SBM).

but the memories, tears and laughter (and funds) shared, weddings planned, the takeovers, the photo albums, the videos (THE VIDEOS!) – are worth the sleepless + tinychat nights, the hectic days of balancing work vs the group gchat (and ensuing attention deficit disorder) and the long days of travel.

some call us a clique. some call us a sorority. a secret group of fun-times to be infiltrated. we’re none of those things. just a bunch of girls who slowly, with time, patience and lots of communication became a group of friends. it feels like we’ve all known each other and been friends forever. they are now all embedded in the fabric of my life.

*pause for that hallmark moment*

a friendship is a plant that needs both sun and water to grow. sun is communication and water is time. some plants can go without some for longer, but at some point – the less you give of both, the likely result is its death.

(death is a little dramatic, but you get the analogy i am trying to make right?)

as you grow, you change. so there will be people you shed (or shed you) along the way. it’s not a coincidence, that the people i am friends with now as i move forward in trying to be a business woman, and a woman of faith – are people whose values reflect those i hold dear.

so to my friends of the past, present and future: i thank you for being a friend.

what say you? do you ever wonder how/why you are still friends with the people you have? do you have any friendship regrets? do you (or others) question the validity of your e-friendships?

kbe.